@TheSpencerRyan exudes confidence,
I mean, have you seen him???
His dark good looks and tattooed muscled perfection are too much.
He's hot. Lickably hot.
And he has a way with words that leaves me breathless.
But cocky doesn't even cover it,
this guy is so arrogant you have to fight back.
But God he's so lickable!
The thing is though,
he looks like sex but he'll taste like jackass.
@OMGJazzyP is a sexy, annoying ball of rage in fuck-me heels
and she hates me.
Although her nipples would tend to disagree.
It's a deadly combination.
She’s a princess.
And when I say princess, I mean intolerable, spoiled brat with a tiara.
Sure she's got that curvaceous goddess thing going on,
but that mouth of hers...
God it needs something in it to shut it up.
#GotJustTheThingRightHere
This is not your average British romance.
It's a tale of high heels, hot tattooed bad boys and
sex oranges, all wrapped up in a coating of chocolate.
It's 'love' in a social media world,
where not everyone is who they seem
and where some people’s bios should carry a warning.
#JustSayin
Oh,
but yesterday I was on a mission.
Drooling,
I head around the counter and pick up a ball of chocolate from one of the
trays, savouring it as the flavours explode in my mouth. Dark chocolate with
some kind of boozy fruit flavour. God, it’s good.
And
she did this?
She’s
dangerous.
A
woman who looks like her, thinks like her, wears those shoes, gives me shit and
makes stuff like this, is a danger.
If
I had a heart, I’d be falling in love.
I
come to a big bowl of soft looking chocolate goo with a spatula sitting in it.
I dip my finger in the gooey goodness and lift it to my mouth.
Holy
hell! That is fucking amazing. It’s ginger and dark chocolate with some
alcohol. Damn. I want to put my face in the bowl. I glance around, then shrug.
Lifting the spatula out, with a decent scoop, I lean against the counter and
take a good long lick.
“What
the hell do you think you’re doing?” she barks as she comes into the kitchen.
“Just
having a taste, Princess,” I reply, turning to let her see me take another
lick.
She
storms over, trying to grab the spatula out of my hand. Good luck with that
sweetheart, this is me and chocolate. You ain’t getting it back.
“You
can’t just wander in here whenever you feel like it.”
“The
door was open.”
“Give
that back!” she demands, catching hold of it. For a second we both pull at it,
but then I see an opportunity and let go. Chocolate splatters her face, neck
and chest and stops her dead in her tracks.
I
choke on a laugh.
She
looks at me, mouth open, “You did that on purpose!”
I
shrug.
She
glances down at the mess on her chest and my eyes follow, locking in on her
begging nipples, visible through her dress. She looks embarrassed.
“It’s
ok, Princess, I know they like me even if you don’t. Happens whenever I’m
around.”
“It
does not!”
“Mmmm-ok.”
I
step closer. She backs off, but I catch her arm and pull her close.
“What
are you doing?” she gasps.
“I
don’t waste chocolate,” I reply softly and then lean in and swipe my tongue
over her temple.
She
wriggles, but it’s a weak effort. “Get off me,” she demands.
“Hold
still, Princess, it's all over you.” I take another lick at her cheek and move
down to her neck.
“Ok,
that’s enough,” she snaps, her breath catching in her throat as I suck in her
earlobe.
I
lick her neck just below her ear even though there’s no chocolate there and the
way her head falls slightly back in surrender makes me swallow hard. “It’s
never enough,” I murmur.
What
the fuck?
I
shake the sappy shit out of my head before I grow a vagina, and pluck the
spatula out of her hand, painting a trail down her cleavage. Dropping the
spatula on the floor, I grab her by the arse and lift her so that I can lick it
all off. She yelps and struggles and I plonk her down on the kitchen counter,
leaning forward and feasting on the stripe I painted between her breasts. Her
dress is ruined, shame, I quite liked it.
Terrible wife
Mediocre mother
Appalling housewife
Fashion graduate
Wedding co-ordinator
Sex toy salesperson
Shop manager
Designer
Font collector
Romance addict
Fancier of nice men
Ok, fancier of almost all men
Awesome cupcake baker
Incessant singer
Film buff
Friend
Writer
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